Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The feeling came back again... @ 5/25/2010 07:23:00 PM

I once thought that my insecurity would disappear after what i think through. But it came back again. Why am i so invisible in your eyes? Over the two years, i change myself so much. I hate the way i am now. I really hate it... I wonder if i walk away one day, will you notice that i am gone. I know i am not someone that can open myself up to others and i am also quiet at times. Can you at least give me time to muster up courage and open myself up slowly. I hav no idea why I am so sensitive. I really hate the way I am now. I am afraid of losing you. I do not want a day that you and I will never talk again to come. I really wanted you to be my friend forever.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Invisible... @ 5/23/2010 05:55:00 PM

Once i was so foolish to believe that if my studies are good, I will not be the invisible one, the forgotten one, the left out one and the one to be kicked around. I was so DAMN wrong. In the year 2006, something happened that caused me to change my views. I worked so hard that my results were the second top in my class. I was so happy that i can almost fly. But it did not last long... There was 2 second place in my class. Everyone started asking for results and found who is the top 3. And suprising I am not in the top 3. By right, i was in the top 3 but nobody cared. I was extremely upset. I almost burst into tears. You might be thinking that just because no one knew you were top 3 makes you cry is a stupid thing to do but jus put urself in my shoes, you worked hard for the entire year just to be praised and can be noticed by people and break away from being an invisible man and now you did it but no one cared. This makes an extremely big impact in my life during my P6 years, my grades drop. From second i dropped to the 20 plus. I am afraid, frightened and scared to be someone invisible. I am not the shining one no matter how hard i try. I am really tired... Somebody once told me that "I am a treasure buried deep down awaiting someone to find and uncover my talents" When will the someone find me and uncover me? How long will it takes?? Will i give up even before the someone finds me? Where did i go wrong? I really have no idea, i do not have the courage to contine to walk on the path in front of me.