Saturday, February 12, 2011

Disappointed in myself @ 2/12/2011 10:24:00 PM

I did really stupid stuff yesterday. I went home then changed clothes and off i go for a run. I really angry, upset and disappointed in myself. I had to released my stress. Nothing is going well for me, i am not juggling my studies and my cca well. I am really stress. Its like i am not even good in one of them. I feel like crying. WHY DOESN'T I DO WELL IN AT LEAST ONE OF THEM? I am still quite moody in the morning while i tried to hide it but it was quite a failure. I feel like scolding PPL, sick and tired of everything that is happening. NO MATTER WHAT I SAYS NO ONE CARES OR DO IT... MY OPINION DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL, I AM LIKE THE AIR TRANSPARENT. YEAH, I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ALL THIS, IF YOU WAN ME TO VOICE OUT AT LEAST LISTEN TO ME RIGHT? HAHAS, whenever i take the first step someone will push me back. I tried my best not to vent my frustrations on others so sorry to those whom i sort of scolded u or smth. I HATE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO DO WHAT I WANT!!!!! I REALLY HATED IT...

Friday, February 11, 2011

To the rock bottom @ 2/11/2011 09:04:00 PM

YOU ARE ALONE! Have you ever felt like you are alone where you do not seem to fit in anywhere? And have you slogged ur guts out but still can't achieve what you want? Have u ever strive hard for ur studies so that people can notice you? Have you tot that u have finally found a goal in ur life and you worked for it and in the end you get nth out of it and it jus makes you feel that u r useless and not appreciated. Do you feel that its really tirring to work towards something that u may not even get any reward? Looking at the road outside, do u have the urge to run out and see what happens? Have u ever wonder if you died, will there be ppl that will cry for you? Do you REALLY see the point of working hard and realising ur dreams? Since when do ur dreams become a tool to hurt you and cut u into pieces? Have you realised that this WORLD is cruel? And Have you really believed that HEAVEN IS UNFAIR? So wat if u worked hard, so wat if u do wat everyone wans u do to, so wat if u are always the good student? What do we get? We got NOTHING. Have you realised it yet. Stop reading fairytales, the world is not as nice and friendly as u think. i HATE this world, i hate the pretenses. Dun you feel tired walking on this long road? I am really tired of doing things that i dun get recognised for. Must i really have to go through wat i went through during pri5? (during pri 5, i study like mad to get good grades jus for ppl attention, then when i got good grades no one cares and i am still a nobody) Can someone save me or take me away to a place free of worries and everyone are equal, no biasness, comparison and competition. Everyone can jus live in harmony.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Stress @ 2/08/2011 09:53:00 PM

I haven had a good night sleep till now... For the past few days, i only slept for like 4 hours.. Now i feel like a walking zombie. I wanted to rest for like 1hour then i end up sleeping for 1 and 1/2 hr... But luckily i woke up and not sleep until the morning. I am really looking for a day where i can finally enjoy a good night sleep. Hmwk are really driving me crazy... There's CCA today and i reach home at 7.15pm and by the time i bathe and eat its already 8pm. I just have to hang on until the results came. If i cannot make it, i will jus shift my focus.

Saturday, February 05, 2011

CNY @ 2/05/2011 12:27:00 AM

Receiving ang pao and eating reunion dinner are the fun part but sometimes visiting relatives can be quite boring if ur not close. I seem to be sitting there and roting. What i did was jus watching the tv and eat and eat. There is new aim for scoring well for my o'lvl cos my uncle said he would buy me an iphone if i scored 12 marks and if i got 10 and below he would get me both an ipad and iphone. HAHA i think i will be studying real hard for it... I also played on the keyboard in my aunt's hse i managed to play parts of a song its really fun. I think i will be saving up to buy a keyboard and stop spending all my money on buying clothes. HAHA I really enjoy this CNY as its a long break for me. Happy chinese new year to EVERYONE!!